Saturday, May 31, 2008

Peace will come

Thank you for your concern about my absence.

Where do I start?

I have returned to my Wisconsin home after being away for over a month. Everything appears the same, even the paintbrush left awaiting it’s work.

But nothing is the same.

I had already been in Texas several weeks grieving my Mom’s decline in health and my Dad’s loss in memory, when I got the call.

Jeff, my husband’s brother, had been shot and killed in their childhood home near my own parent’s. He had lived there several years caring for their Mom (who had passed away 5 months previously) Three teenage daughters and three siblings were left to grieve continual questions that will never be answered. The only constant now, are the haunting questions. The haunting need for truth.

It wasn’t until I got back home that I clearly remembered this familiar trek.

I recognize this path from before.

I remember needing, even demanding, God’s plan—the need for purpose.

I remember the need for control.

The lesson I thought I had learned had to be recalled in the stillness of my nights.

I am anxious to leave the sleepless night of “need.”

Anxious to “let go” of the night’s fretfulness.
Anxious to embrace the dark in trust.

I remember finally reaching the day NOT needing answers to the questions anymore.

I remember finding peace.

I remember being surprised by joy.

There could be no better time than now to awaken – to understand the magnificence of BEING. Of BECOMING. Of BEGINNING again.

Jeffrey, may you find joy.

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